28 february 2023.
I am a commandant in the higher ranks on a space ship set far in the future, unhappy with the president's regime, so I rebel with my friend and plot to overthrow the president.
My friend gets caught, and I have to act as if nothing is happening as I weasel myself through the people to see him get dragged away, his face an unrecognisable mess of red and purple.
I keep my undercover sabotage work going. I need to prove his death was worth it. Just as I finished replacing an information tech board on the wall, the president asks for me. His voice whispers to me through my intercom.
I arrive in his office, a big oval cockpit with glasses for walls, looking out into space. "Hello, my dearest commandant.." Enter typical tyrant monologue about how he must keep peace and order and the people must obey to ensure balance etc and then he places a hand on my shoulder and stabs me and I wake up.
2 march.
"Do you see this?" My father holds up a poster. It's empty. He turns his head to me. "Do you see me?"
4 march.
I'm standing in my neighbourhood. A car pulls up. A woman runs out saying "help me my husbands is going to kill me!" The supposed husband drags her back into the car and I go in the car because I'm curious.
He tells me "Hi do you mind closing her seatbelt?" The woman was crying and hyperventilating. I had to do close the seatbelt in a.. weird way, and a very tight way.
"Yes close it just like that, it's sexy isn't it? Just like what she did with me no?" He had a faraway look in his eyes and sounded deranged. The woman was shaking her head and crying still. I knew then that she had once traumatised him, tied him up and tried to kill him and now he is stuck in some sort of traumatic mindset and keeps repeating the same motion with her.
When I wake up, I will know that they will keep repeating this until they die.
10 march.
There is a mountain, and it is holy.
12 march.
I made out with Aaron Taylor Johnson. It was super vivid so I could feel his body flush under mine and his tongue in my mouth. I woke up with an ache in my heart.
17 march.
A duck is crying. I saw my old high school friends in a store and hid from them. I went into wrong house and lost my sister. Became a junkie.
30 july.
There are three districts in this in the future set place.
First district is in a closed area, the second underwater and the third on a floating island.
There is a competition, capture the flag, and all the districts come together underwater. The line to buy a ticket is crowded, and I hastily push my way towards the entrance.
I'm in the competition, so I don't need a ticket. During the game, we lose.. Because Jim Halpert touched me and we were game over. He laughs when the referee announces we lost and I laugh back awkwardly.
After the game I leave the building backstage with my team. As we walk down the stairs I see my crush, R. I hook our arms and we talk for a bit. I was not supposed to be outside, because the underwater district people have a curfew. He's from the sky district so he doesn't have a curfew.
A cop comes around and I hide but get seen. We were sitting at a shore and I jump in the water. I can breathe underwater and swim deep deep deep. Deep underwater I see earth carved out in systems, windows, going kilometers deep.
I wonder what this place means. I wait for a bit and go out the water again. I have to explore that place with R. I have a crush on R.
15 october.
There's a shooting at the mall. Everyone gets up and runs away. Two guys appear and I shoot them, but the bullets ricochet of their bodies.
I run out of the store so they can chase me and the police come.
"Fuck, we're caught", one of them says. They run back where they came from. The police come and are grateful I knew where they run off to.
As I watch the police run after them I sigh. I am actually not a police member, I wanted to rob and kill some people today too.. But I guess that won't happen now..
27 october.
Liminal space playground. There's a show. My friend can sing, I can't.
28 october.
Many of you who feel lost just need to have a skill, get good at it and embrace it. If you can then make one person happy with your craft or skill,
it'll feel the same like you made the whole world happy.
Fulfillment is an emotion, not a variable. There isn't a "lot of" fulfillment or vice versa. There is just fulfillment.
So learn to feel fulfillment at the "smallest" things, because for you to be fulfilled you don't need a measurement. You can always feel fulfilled with everything.
It's just your choice, do you choose to feel fulfilled?
5 november.
For a school trip we arrive in the forest at a big big mansion. The mansion had multiple floors and was haunted. We had to play a game where we had to defeat the monsters and ghosts at a floor before we could move to the next one. It was gorey and super scary. If we got killed we'd just respawn back outside. We didn't know that at first so we were super scared of course. We only got up to floor 3..
16 november.
Goooood lunch with hot sauce yummmm. There is a game, eight people. Five people need to ask for forgiveness to the three people in front of them. Why are we all sinners?
17 november.
"Look at me."
My hand is clenched. "I'm sorry", I mumble.
I set fire to the house the other day. No one's going to believe I'm a skater.
I'm the older brother who had to grow up too fast and please his parents. My younger brother is angry.
19 november.
My dad apologises to me. The wind is howling in my ears. It's winter, it's snowing, and my heart feels cold.
"I fucked up and I'm sorry. You're my forest."
You're my forest. It held a deeper depth than the words I love you.
19 november.
Backstage at a show with Grimes and Halsey. Grimes is performing first and we hug sideways and makeout.
Halsey enters backstage and I throw her a short pink haired wig. She says she's nervous. This is her first show after all. I reply something sarcastic and she throws the wig at me.
We are sitting around a table with some oteher boys and we smoke and drink and talk. "Please Grimes, I'm bored. Let's do some heroin." I hand her the needle so she can shooot me up but the suddenly my dad comes in and says we gotta go.
Everyone in the room immediately gets up, the mood turned serious. My dad is a big figure in the mafia so we take him seriously.
19 november.
As I walk around this sketchy side of town I see this big big mansion that looks like a haunted castle, with green fog surrounding it. My dumbass enters. They have a freakish strong mafia.
They're holding an opening ceremony but I run away. I think I'm safe, but the next day I notice everyone in the neighbourhood looking at me weirdly.
This truck with two people in the front stop me and the driver says with a grin "You can only run away so far".
Few hours later I get kidnapped back to the mafia and become a mafia member.
11 december.
I got into a fight. My sister was there too. The guy shot and I jumped in front of my sister. I thought he shot a gun, but when I realised I couldn't bend or kneel I realised a huge glass shard was shot in my back. As huge as my whole torso. I tried to shuffle away, in pain, regulating my breathing so I wouldn't panic and die. I need to survive.
12 december.
We walk through the forest and I urge the group to follow a different path. I see things moving in the bushes and the trees whispering.
Suddenly, the deeper we go, I start to see figures. Humans. So many different people sitting on the ground, looking peaceful, moss covering their bodies. No one else seems to see them. Small kind lights form a path suddenly and I stray away from the group, enchanted by the mystery. More forest-people start to appear. I am in awe..
I end up in a big hollowed out circle with a big tree whose branches underneath form a cave. I stand in the middle, and suddenly creatures from the forest start walking to me and smiling at me. "You have found us", one woman says, "how wonderful." An old guy scoffs. "Can this guy really see us? We haven't had one like him in ages."
I nod eagerly, a big smile on my face. "Yes! Golly yes, I can see you! This is indeed so wonderful!" Children crowd around me and smile up at me. I feel so loved. I must leave though, and let them know I will be back soon. When I arrive back at the group and tell them about what happened, they look at me as if I'm crazy.
19 december.
A school trip brings us to a big mansion deep inside the forest. We go here often. It's the same mansion that was haunted last time where we played a game.
This time we're there for educative purposes. Everyone walks in and goes to their room. The house is haunted though, but the ghosts are friendly. I ask where the toilet is and the janitor, an old pudgy man, says the toilet is disgusting and clogged. He says I can go take the boat to the mainland and pee there, or go to the third floor but only at night. I thank the old man and choose to go to the mainland.
23 december.
I own a chocolaterie. I wake up early to make all the cute treats and I'm also the cashier. The shop has a nook where you can sit and relax. A little boy comes in with his mom and he wanders around the shop. He comes back a plaque I forgot to put away and says "this isn't chocolate". Scoffing I reply "wow, you surely know everything about chocola don't you?" He comes back everyday and we grow close.
25 december.
I was in a bus. The bus suddenly flew high and I fell off. I fell on the ground and I died. I felt my heartbeat in real life low and knew I was dying. I felt at peace. My heartbeat was slow slow until it stopped and everything was silent. I woke up in a place and a man in a white glow said I was dead. I was relieved I was finally dead. Then I heard my alarm and knew I wasn't really dead..
1 january.
Me and my ex-friend E share a netflix account to watch a movie. Jungwoo from NCT is there suddenly. He helped us murder someone's wife. I accidentally left the phone at the ground at her place.
6 january.
Dad told me and my siblings to solve a few math problems in front of Mom's house so we went but we secretly went in her home and chilled at her balcony. I see Dad walking our way and we hurriedly get out but we have to walk so many stairs down. He's angry we didn't start the math equations yet. I shouldn't relax when I want. Work is work and that needs to be done first, then I can relax.
7 january.
I am in a secret spy, Mission Impossible-esque league. Today I had to steal these papers which were located in a locked room in a building. My partner and I got in the room but we were too late, the men were already looking for us. I got out swiftly, though, and walked through the building as if I was a normal passerby. My partner died, I hear through my earpiece. Outside I passed by the thug who was looking for us, his sunglasses looking in the crowd for a suspicious person. They don't recognise my face though, because I have never been caught. I defend the pack with my life. I look like an average sweet girl. I keep looking forward clutching my bag and walking as if nothing happened. Mission succesful.
